With the upcoming holidays, and the epic “Hey remember these awesome Christmas movies?” twitter conversation today, I started thinking about the things I wish I still believed in…
The man (elf?) is a genius. He (with the help of advertising and an old Bishop from Turkey) has created this myth about him. He gets to live in the North Pole with magical, toy-building elves. Toys! All the time! He also has flying reindeer – one of which supposedly has a glowing nose that can get you through the most blustery of winter storms. I was told once as a kid that, “No, Rudolph isn’t drunk, nor is he a clown.” Apparently, the red nose gets confusing. Also, he gets a PARADE. Every year, in NYC, Macy’s has a Thanksgiving Day parade, in which Saint Nick himself is the finale float. Snoopy, Kermit the Frog and Mickey Mouse all lead him through the streets of New York. He’s cooler than cool.
Somehow, through what I assume to be some sort of magic, he circumnavigates the globe in one night, to deliver his toys. This journey is so famous, NORAD even tracks Santa on Christmas Eve!
Per the myth, Santa delivers the toys to all the good little girls and boys. Now, here’s where you start to have problems when you think about it from a child’s logic. Okay, sure, around the world in less than 24 hours? A 6-year-old can get behind that. It’s the “toys to good little children” part that got to me. The bullies and the snottiest kids at school still got toys. There was one year where, all confident, I asked a terrible boy in my class if he got coal. No, he got Nerf blasters. Santa, I thought, certainly has his priorities mixed-up.
- The Tooth Fairy.
She has wings. She leaves trails of glitter everywhere she goes. And most importantly: This chick brings you money. Free money. For your teeth just doing their own thing. As a kid, I think we all believed this as long as we could! And don’t deny it, we’ve all tried to make the loose tooth come out faster by tying a string to the tooth and slamming a door – that dollar was an important addition to the weekly allowance! And some kids these days get more than a dollar!
And as an adult, I don’t have any more baby teeth to lose, but I certainly should have gotten SOMETHING for going through the terror that was removing my wisdom teeth. Where was the tooth fairy then, huh?
Maybe we could morph this into something for adults. Like the weight fairy. Or the hair fairy. The more hair you lose, the more money you make?
- The Easter Bunny.
The Easter bunny wasn’t nearly as exciting to me as the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. I don’t know why. Probably because he was a bunny, and the guys dressed up in bunny suits kind of freaked me out as a kid. I also didn’t understand the correlation between bunnies and hiding/finding eggs. But whatever. Easter always had the best candy. From the original Peeps, to anything by Cadbury, I think I was more excited about finding the candy than the eggs.I do remember having fun dying the eggs prior to Easter. We’d use the wax crayon to draw a picture or write a message on the egg, like Leave a lot of peeps or Don’t give me anything with almonds.
Nowadays, the one of the best things about Easter is the annual Washington Post’s Peep Show. (I do not recommend googling “peep show”. Just use the link.)
Did you believe? Do you still?